i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
