is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
