I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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