You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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