You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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