I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
