I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
