If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
