My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
