The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
