I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
