I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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