When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
