If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
