I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize