is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
