he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
