Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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