as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize