is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
