I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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