respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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