: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
