Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
