If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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