just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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