you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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