hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
