Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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