it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
