We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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