A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
