I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
