This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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