drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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