wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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