he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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