This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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