I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
