So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
