Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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