me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
