I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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