We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
