why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
