anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need moral support for this bender
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
