Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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