Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
