Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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