Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
