I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
