Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
