saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
