don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Four minutes until I can fart!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
