i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
