i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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