Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
