Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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