I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
