he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Two words: nipple clamps
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