Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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