do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
