I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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