he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
