We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize