Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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