how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
