chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to calm my uterus...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
