I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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