i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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