Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
