i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
